ClarksinVerona: They Shoot Horses Don't They? (And Eat Them?)

They Shoot Horses Don't They? (and eat them?) and Other Random Topics

So we have been here for almost two weeks, and I'm starting to recognize a problem with my American upbringing. As an American, who was raised an American in New Mexico and attended the finer Albuquerque public school system, despite years of instruction, the only thing I have learned how to say in another language is "El perro se ha comido a mi hermana." which we all know means "The dog has eaten my sister." Of course now I can translate that to Italiano, "Il cane ha mangiato mia sorella."

Although, I find myself totally disoriented with the signs and what the food labels say, I have picked up on a food item I was unaware of, "Carpaccio di Equino" which we all know means "carpaccio of horse" as well as "hamburger di equino classico". It scares me to adventure out into the chicken section. I'm afraid I might have already eaten something that translates into "Chicken of the Hot Trouser Parts". I wonder how you say that in Italian? Although being from New Mexico, I am pretty sure I have eaten that at sometime in my childhood.

Toilets of Europe

I have found the travel book I need to write, "The Toilets of Europe." I am sure they exist around town, but I have not found one yet. Rumor has it some of the bigger grocery stores have one. Vicki found one in the Milano Centrale Train Station, but she didn't have a Euro with her to pay for the privilege. You may have noticed I don't have a photo to support this topic. This just further supports my point.

A bonus is the toilet paper non-Charmin. The other day I needed something to scour a stubborn scum spot in the sink. The only abrasive pad I could think of was the dish sponge and then it dawned on me, why not try the toilet paper. The results, you don't necessarily need an SOS pad or Scotch Pad to scour a sink. I can't wait to try to sand something just to see just how tough this stuff is.

Bidet or Not to Bidet, That is the Question

Some stories are best left up to the individual it pertains to so I will leave this part to Vicki. However, not growing up with a bidet, I am not quite sure how to handle this subject. I'm sure most of you know that the bidet is located next to the toilet in the bathroom. I can't tell you how many times I have stood in our bathroom just wondering how do you use this dang thing. I'm here representing the US, and I don't Europeans to think that I am some kind of unsophisticated imbecile because I can't and don't use the bidet.

Thank you Mr. Gore for the internet and Wikipedia. According to Wikipedia:

"Bidet is a French word for pony (and in Old French, bider meant to trot). This etymology comes from the notion that one rides a bidet much like a pony is ridden. In addition, the bidet is also referred to as the "garden hose."

Now this gets me wondering about my first subject and equine carne. What happens to the old pony when it is ready to be put out to pasture, does it become an outhouse or do they eat them? And is it proper etiquette to yell " Hi ho Silver, AWAY!" or "Giddy Up!" while using the bidet. Another thought, if a bider means to trot, then if a person in America says I have the trots then does a French person say I have the biders?

I believe the bidet is how Europeans separate out the sheep from the goats sophistication wise. After reading how to use the bidet on Wikipedia, I am wondering if it is a good idea to say something along the lines of "Well I certainly didn't pee in the bidet, ha ha.". I mean, do I pretend to use the bidet at my European hosts establishment and comment something like, "Boy, my private parts are clean as a whistle! (Garcon, le mie parti intime sono pulito come un fischietto!)"